Wednesday, March 27, 2019

Breathing - Chapter 6, Clarity`s Arousal

At precisely noon the next day a cell phone rings. It sounds the ringtone of ‘Strangers In The Night’ and then there exists a hesitating. A hesitance for almost too long of a time before the clicking to answer it arrives. “Eleena, are you not done with me?” Dispassionately queries Cory into the phone as a reply to the incoming call.

Dead silence exists as El wonders if she should continue to do this call. That comes because the chat already sounds like the continuing of the confrontation she started in the elevator the prior night. So, she tiredly sighs from experiencing barely any sleep. To add to that the day is a busy one while dealing with her workday at the New York Post, thus, another sigh as she realizes that the delivering of her daily column needs to wait for a while. Such subsists because El now needs to do damage control in concern to actions during the night prior. She instantly realized that she possibly hurt Cory last night too. So she does damage control.

“Apparently, you don`t know what a kiss is.” Conveys El with an attempt to steer things in a positive direction while remembering how she felt last night during the moments before to going to bed, going to sleep with that providing tossing on the bed for several hours before managing a little sleep.

“A kiss? What kiss?” Cory provides in frustration while she only wants to make sure that both of them no longer receive harm.

“Yes, I gave you one last night. Do you not remember it?” Asserts El in a proclamation that fully rests in a hope that the tenseness between them stops. And that wish exists even though El is aware that her frustrations last night spilled over after an evening of information that entwined in high expectations, emotional overload and natural sexual tension. Thus, she feels sorry but not sorry. That comes to be even truer because she acknowledges that it might be a miracle if it all ended in any other way. Therefore according to her logic, the night is as it turned out to be and must be lived with. But now, the day after is this. It must be this after the night of analyzing everything between them. Hence, the current phone call brings them both listening to each other breathing within the background noise of their individual locations.

With trying to understand why Eleena has not run far from her, Cory breathes deep because she has beaten herself up over the ‘death wish request’. She hates the decisions that she willingly made that have led to this moment. She knows that none of it can be claimed as a split-second anything. In fact, she took more than two years to think about what to do in concern to her life ending due to Cancer.

In that time she realized that life must be lived, her last chance to live comes now, and maybe if the universe cared then she manages a second life from this fight that she plans to win. Therefore, in all of that, the ideas and decisions about enjoying all that she has ever wanted in life forms into a plan. And yes, Eleena Livingston naturally exists as part of that. El does because inside of Cortland Aldrich subsists a knowing that Eleena is to be hers. And there are no questions about it and that happens because the universe says so. Hence, Cortland now tries to push some of that planning out of the way to possibly carry out the plan without something that she truly needs in her life, her Eleena.

“Yes, you gave me a goodbye kiss, a kiss along with a thorough lecture on how everything that you are experiencing, in concern to me, is hurting you. Yes, a kiss of goodbye without ever having a real first one, that is what was last night.”

Such spoken brings a sudden stinging silence with coldness settling perfectly harsh between them. The frigid coldness of no hope lingers as they each stand in hallways staring at people walking past them. Staring pointlessly with listening to breathing and background noise. And that unsettles El for she feels hurt by not getting the usual loving warmth that abides in Cory`s voice when chat occurs betwixt them but that is to be currently expected.

So, quietness hangs midair to become numbing as it next pushes El into being more lost than ever. Thus, the sounds of the busy atmosphere around both of them seem to be dominating but should it. Maybe it should not, maybe but that matters not with both wondering if anything really needs saying. However, each could say a variety of things. Either one of the two women could apologize. Then again, both of them might start some more destructive behaviour, behaviour like El initiated last night. Even more so, one or the other of them could say some more unkind things but that solves nothing. Thus, the stinging silence remains.

Or it does until El sternly says, “Was I wrong last night, Cory? Did you expect me to melt into everything that you are asking from me? Did you think that I would do all of it as though you provide a romantic fantasy that every lesbian wants to fall into?”

Such provokes an instant gasp from Cory with it holding utter disbelieve over the statements spoken as she rethinks on it all. The thoughts are not a physical punch but it may as well be for it knocks the air out of Cory. Precious air and during those seconds Cory silently admits to herself that during the planning such an idea entered her mind. Cory thought that the death wish request might seem like that to some people. And that is okay since the request is the most unusual to be asked from anyone. That does not make the hearing of it any easier but in order to push past the pain Cory shares an emotionless sigh of, “Uhm,”

“Well, did you? After all, billionaire lesbian, Billionaire Row and anything that money can buy. So did you? You offer everything that might be wanted and that includes kinky sex with three years of being a kept woman. All of it is at the price of watching you die." El tosses out into the chat, while she holds nothing back and Cory takes it all as El seems on a roll. And she is on one too.

"Quite a bonus with a wild ride that demands me to attach to a stranger and then to be devastated in losing you. Devastated when you die.”

“Why devastated?” Cory swiftly replies in crisp demand with all senses and thinking processes on high alert.

It consists of this elevated awareness because Cory knows that she fights for what she truly needs to be in her life. She knows that this is the moment to get El to be hers, this is it and she must have Eleena understand, to understand and to not be thinking wrongly. So, everything needs to be tried. And she wants to live all of her dreams during the life and death struggle for she might be dead in three years. That is the truth even if she must fight the Cancer alone. She can do that but in doing it she hopes to win against it. However, it all won’t mean much if her soulmate can’t see the truth of her love and be hers in the end. So, this is the last chance for having Eleena, the life chance.

“Why devastated?” Demands Cory a second time.

In that second they both stand in hallways but this time no silence arrives. None but no words become spoken either. That exists because Eleena mumbles and stumble for an answer due to that she has no idea why she would be devastated as she merely murmurs and gasps heavy breaths. She does because nothing inside of her tell of why. Why possess feelings or anything about a woman who is requesting the most ridiculous. Why have any feelings for this stranger? Why anything about all of this? So, El has no idea why she might be devastated.

In all truths, everything about a ‘death wish’ relationship resides as mind-blowing, or at the very least an alien concept that no one should be a part of. And that idea fully forms to be El`s feelings and thoughts with such providing annoyed sensations. It does for she only called to work out the possibilities of apologies and not to make more upheaval for either of them. So with a deep breath, the silence continues for a while with Cory being the one who refreshes the chat between them.

“Eleena devastated means that you have feelings for me. If you have feelings for me then that intends that you care about me. Do you, do you?” Exclaims Cory who steals a chance to assume a few things while she hopes that the small fissure of feelings explodes into a great chasm of enlightenment about feelings and possibilities.

“Stop!” El delivers in edgy annoyed exasperation with hushing it due to her location. "Stop!"

El needs it all to stop since she posses no idea of what she feels outside of being constantly tired and frustrated. Thus, the question from Cory pushes the ‘enough button,' the button that states that El can’t go through yesterday again. Hence, El sternly demands, “Stop you badass woman...just fucking stop! Let me have a breath of sanity and then, then..."

The declaration of annoyance wins the moment between them. It does for El rips control of the chat from Cory with El still has no answer as to why she could be devastated if Cory dies. In that truth, El becomes more lost while holding even less control than she ever has lived in life but she is controlling this moment. That brings an angry guttural growl to ascend, a growl for there is still a lack of an answer. In it, she wonders about how could she possess feelings and care about a stranger that asks something so totally unrealistic. And with a sigh of heated rage, this brings a summary of thoughts that provokes another rumbling growl with a sudden wrathful, “Damn, I don’t know! But, I do! ”

Such a declaration brings harsh into the air. El holds hard emotions that are totally unfurled in this attempting to sort the complex emotional while the intellect lies useless. So useless and El mentally kneels to not understanding that but Cory kind of does understand it all. She does for it`s natural for a person to deny their emotions when it upsets a peaceful stable existence. But that cannot be fixed, at least not yet, and so in cool seductive tone Cory unexpectedly says, “Do you know it turns on me on when you do that.”

“What!” Sharply bullets forth from El in being shocked, just shock as El pushes from the hallway wall to make a direction for a soft drink machine because caffeine is needed. She needs delicious, eye-opening caffeine. It is a ‘must’ even if the current conversation abides as something that could never be slept through no matter how exhausted that El is.

“Yes, that turns me on.” Reissues Cory who feels her body embarrassingly aroused during every second that El whips out emotions in a passionate release. And yes, Cory knows that she should not be horny. Cory additionally knows it`s not the time but it`s a bit difficult to control when El does not stop the emotional whipping while taking away Cory`s control of what exists between the two of them.

“What! What, and..” And then it`s a full stoppage for Ell. A halt of all thought as the world now rests in total confusion for El Livingston. And that is because she cannot perceive how sex has anything to do with any of this.

Yet, with such spoken, Cory realizes how bad that she is now being since she too is confused. Oh yes, she is so bad but she refuses to stop and so more of the bad comes, “You did this to me last night too. You did this to me before you left the elevator. You did this, this thing of temper, this of demanding of me, cornering me and taking my control. You,`s …fuck, fuck. Yes, yes, fuck and yes, get angry. I am angry. We can be angry. Take all the control. Flare that raw temper, then demand of me and I promise to not disappoint. Bring that sexy temper, all the anger but no matter what just continue giving me this chance, this life chance.”

Of course, El remains lost about it all but she realizes that she possibly should be. After all, every fibre of her own body is telling her that this is the wildest time in life. And strangely enough, she thinks it should be this way. To top that off she decides to just stop thinking for the day and possibly deal with a week of being Cory`s woman and then enjoy any regrets later because nothing about Cory makes sense to her at this point. And in that line of thinking El does something she can’t fathom as to why it happens. “You need to be fucked, do you know that?”

"I know. And, so do you. But, first things first and your first is that you must make some decisions. I will do what it takes to help you make those decisions and that includes you being furious at me. I don’t care how you need this done. But, Eleena just trust, trust in me, trust this total stranger because I swear you won't regret it, not regret it ever.”

As they both breath deeply sexual arousal takes a hold of their senses with everything seeming odd; so off the wall but then so is being diagnosed with Cancer when you are perfectly healthy all your life. So, Cory understands what oddness in life is. El does too, for there exist many days in the world of news media when she wonders if the world has any sanity in it. But that recognition of oddities becomes interrupted by crowds of people emptying into the hall of the university that Cory visits today.

That truth provides too much noise for them to hear each other, so El continues the sprint to the soft drink machine. In doing that, she has the fortune to discover a coffee machine to be exactly where it should be, next to the soft drink machine. And as the sounds begin to dwindle where Cory is located El`s mind fills with the idea that this exists as the most off the wall conversation she has ever had. And those thoughts nudge her into asking, “Should I say sorry, sorry about last night? And these chats that we have are crazy, do you know this is crazy?”

Cory too thought of things during the interruption but it consisted of chastising herself over being horny. Thus, it is not surprising that Cory suddenly laughs like an erupting volcano when asked about an apology and if it is all craziness.

“Oh darling, hell no, do not ever apologize to me, not about being angry at me when I push you too much. And crazy, oh yes, my life has been crazy since the diagnoses came delivered.” And in that speaking more laughter rings into the phone as El tastes the steaming coffee to have her tongue tainted with scolding liquid to form an ‘ouch’ to slip her lips.

“Oh god, no Eleena, no, no apology ever and it can only exist If you truly feel that you must apologize to me. Please. Please, my darling, do what you must do for it is agreed that this is craziness. But even in all of it, I will wait for you even after I die.”

“You are not allowed to die.” Spills out as a reflex answer that wraps in the unrestrained clarity of El`s soul speaking.

“Why do you say that?” Automatically flows from Cory who is not surprised but instead, she nudges El into opening the enlightenment fissure fully wide.

“I don`t know.” Arrives in a clear understanding that what she moments says holds a deep truth while she doesn’t feel shocked about it. She isn`t because one thing that El Livingston is great at is listening to her instincts, her soul. And during seconds ago she knows that her soul spoke with her mind stopping to listen to it. And in all of that somehow her whispering soul brings El to convey. “I do not know. I just don’t but I think that maybe I should know. I should, and so, so,” And then a quietness abides but it`s not silent for their breathing is heavier as the reply continues, “So, you do dinner with me, dinner tonight, dinner. You will do dinner with me, right? And we will talk more, talk of sane and insane things.”

Cory likes that idea. With the hearing of the dinner invite, it brings the biggest smile. It does for it intends a continued chance, the chance at a life chance. So yes, dinner, dinner and not because it is planned as part of their mutual evening together but because her girl asks her to go to dinner. So she shares that she will.

"Yes, we have our usual table at the hotel dining room. However, if you like then the Dean of this university has asked us to dinner. It will be dinner with him and his wife at some restaurant that is yet to be determined.”

As that comes heard there once more abides a silence between them as El undergoes a quick analysis of the day and their current chat. She knows that she has meetings with other writers and she must do grocery shopping. But after those things her day is free. Thus, she ponders if either of them truly needs more people as part of the evening after being busy with people all day. With such thoughts, El looks around, as she walks to a meeting that soon must steal her time and in that process El mentally announces to her own self ‘no’. No, they do not want a dining room that lacks an intimate atmosphere. They do not need more people around them. Instead, they should be alone together after what they both have shared. Hence, she tells Cory what she thinks.

“Dinner is at six, my apartment, you are bringing wine for white sauced pasta and dress sexy. Date three is my choice, it`s with me in control and us at my home. And since it is that then maybe I want some of that lovemaking that you claim to be part of the three-year girlfriend term.”

Empowerment radiates as El lives the moment while being too tired to figure out if she actually wants to be the three-year girlfriend. But she does not think about that for she announces, “Oh and no limousine. You are doing a taxi and no tipping the driver. You can tip me when you realize that the kiss meant no goodbye. In fact that kiss, my kiss last night is more like, ‘Hey, I am trying, so knock off the backing away after fucking over my generally stable world.’ ”

Cory giggles with becoming wide-eyed in surprise about the commands. She does because El finally is doing things that Cory does not suggest. Thus, she recognizes that their mutual evening won`t be boring with it just possible that the coming years won`t be either. And with that in mind, Cory softly chuckles as she conveys, “You are very demanding and controlling about our dinner. Sexy stuff and I promise that I won`t be late.”

Cory then changes her mood to sound solemn while further replying, “The kiss, yes, I now know that but I did not know it last night.”

“Good1 It so good that you now do know but I must go. I am late.” Declares El with urgency in her voice tone before saying farewell until dinner at six.

I Dare You To Peek

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