Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Sweet Sexiness - Chapter 2 , Possession

The days that followed brought great change to both women`s lives. A whirlwind of dating events with endless conversations of the future occurred. The two best friends took to finding what they always dreamed of.

Bethany created romance of the highest order. It is what anyone would expect of a Don Juan or of a Romeo. There existed meals at the loveliest of restaurants; along with it, there are surprise picnics in various interesting locations, and nights of dancing at wherever they wished to enjoy it. Bethany made written poetry, love gifts, and love notes. There additionally the attending of the symphony, art shows and building an igloo before Christmas so that they may enjoy a lover`s night in Bethany`s backyard. There arrived all the trappings of giving the best of romance. There also are the moments of merely holding each other. All of that happened between them to have the dating so thoroughly perfect that to this very day it stings Bethany’s mind, heart, soul, and body.

Jennifer loved it too. Never is she happier in her life than she is at this point. This extension of a friendship with Bethany is Jennifer`s only lesbian relationship in her entire life. Thus, it is a virgin experience. Plus, it is a tidal wave of powerful feelings too. Along with this, she enjoys sensual kinky sex, eroticism and the feelings of being high on loving someone while being passionately loved in return. It has Jennifer truly understanding Bethany as a person and it has Jennifer recognizing what love with a woman truly is. In all truths, it is the first time in Jennifer`s life that she understands that she is loved completely. She comprehends it for this new bond with Bethany supplies love on endless levels for Bethany truly worships Jennifer. Thus, it is a love that has no equal on Earth with her being encompassed by a personality that is an addiction. All of this, plus Jennifer is being possessed as a life partner for a woman that has a no limits creed within all of life.

By the middle of December of 2008, Bethany asks Jennifer`s father for permission to marry Jennifer. Jennifer`s father, Captain Sean Santos, is of the mindset to say no. He almost does too for he is deeply against same-gender relationships and holds amounts of anti-gay sentiment. Yet, it is the truth that he knows that both his biological daughter and his adopted daughter are bisexual. Yet, he has never stopped Jennifer or Bethany from being who they are, but that doesn`t intend that he encourages it either. He also doesn’t discourage Bethany from actively dating women or from being a BDSM Dominant that has mostly female submissives in her stable of playmates. However, Sean Santos does encourage Jennifer to only be with men, even though he recognizes that Jennifer occasionally sexually fools around with women too. Thus, it is a tough discussion between Bethany and Sean. In fact, it is a discussion that rips into the bare bones of life with concessions and promises made. Promises of Bethany completely caring for Jennifer no matter what happens. Then there is tossed in the moving to the United Kingdom for the remainder of Jennifer`s life. Lastly but definitely not the least there comes a special request that really has nothing to do with the marriage blessing.

“Beth, having my two daughters married to each other is not what I call a traditional family life,” Sean said in annoyance over recent chat topics on this night of hardcore conversation as he sipped the amber liquid from the tumbler of Highland whiskey.

“True, sir. But I am not your blood daughter. And as I stated, an hour ago, Jennie and I have never acted as sisters but we behave only as best friends. Plus, you knew years ago of us being more than friends.” Beth delicately stated, with knowing that she is continuing her pushing into a subject that is horrific for him. “We have been discrete, sir. We have done our best to sex...not” She stopped but continued looking him dead straight in the eyes. Her looking at him there into his soul for that is what she long ago understood has to be done with Sean Santos when bargaining with him. Thus, she continued the hard topic with a rough swallow for his soul is interesting to peer into. Hence, she further tries maintaining being careful of her words as she conveys, “We have always respected and do not enjoy pleasure when you are around, sir.”

This brought a deep guttural growl of distaste from Sean over the comment. But yes, he knows of them having sex regularly. “Uhm, there are things a father doesn’t want to know.” Arrived in a warning that he didn’t like this topic. Such mentioned has he stir uneasily in his chair before he takes another sip from the glass in his hand. After which he coldly conveyed, “And no, you have not always been restrained and respectful, but as a sexual man I understand about that.”

“Yes sir, but you do realize that Jennifer and I are more than friends. You logically discern that we are not truly sisters. It may be hard for you to know that we have sex, but we do have..” Her having said this brings him to growl, but he allowed her to continue. “And we do love each other. In fact, you found out years ago that I love her with all of me. You knew it the day that I signed the contract with the Castillo family. You understood then that I love Jennifer and that is why you sent me to bodyguard training. In fact, my love of her is why you hired me and supply what you do to my life.”

“Uhm,” Ponderously replied the powerful businessman that is a rogue of darkness. Within his pondering, he stared up at her from his leather chair allowing himself a moment to accept what is happening. Sean is staring at his adopted daughter for long moments as the tumbler is slowly emptied into his throat. Then finally there came in sharpness, "Yes!" This sharply spoken because he is aware of how he manipulated Beth and used her to guard his only true treasure, his daughter. In that understanding of being parental, he coldly eyed her with no shame, as he then demanded. “Another glass, Beth, bring me more. You are making an old Christian man kneel to your lesbian demands.”

“Not a lesbian, sir. Bisexual and you realized that when you adopted me at fifteen.” Proclaimed the beautiful blond of twenty-nine years of age who instantly reached for Sean`s empty whiskey glass.

He then watched her walk over to the oaken bar counter to pour other several ounces of whiskey into a fresh tumbler glass. As she did Bethany heard him say. “Why not a man, Beth? Why not more men in your life? You are sexy, sexual, intelligent and fuckable. God woman, you could have any man. Men have begged me to have you for just one night of sex. Add to it and in all truth, if I hadn’t adopted you then I would be fucking you too.”

That sent a controlled chilling shiver of disgust through Beth for she truly does view him as her father. Yet, she continued to listen while not turning around to face him. But he said no more of that and that is good. It is very good for she couldn’t face him with the hurt and no smile created by his comment. Him saying what he has forged deep pain and brought into her mind buried bad memories of her younger life. But she forced her usually stunning smile back to her lips so that such pain is hidden. Hidden behind a smile that does wax and wanes like the moon that reigns over her Cancerian emotions on this night of asking of betrothal. Such a forcing has Bethany steady herself with taking several deep breaths and sending a silent prayer to her Wicca goddess. Then with the filling of a clean glass tumbler, Bethany walked back over to Sean while wearing a smile to encourage a betrothal blessing from him. In doing so, she replied to him. “Sir, you say that you understand me, you understand sexual me because you are a sexual man. Then since you do understand, then you understand that women are more pleasure than men and do taste better than men do.”

Yes, she brings the hard facts for he has done that too. So she answers him with making it a clean thorough reply. She knows to stand toe to toe with him no matter what is happening. And she does. This is also why he loves her so deeply and gives her anything that she asks for. Thus, she stares into his blue eyes with her grey-blue ones. She does this with the knowledge about what she will be getting if she does this conversation properly. So she leans downward to be showing her beautiful cleavage as she placed the fresh glass of whiskey in his left hand so that he has what he needs for the tougher bits of the chat. Within that, Bethany took to holding his stare for long moments as she powerfully stated, “I love her. I am not only fucking her. I love her. I have even surrendered my life to that mob of horrific Castillo. I do it so that one day I may be able to have Jennifer. I have done my family duty! I have honor! I have relinquished my Wicca ideals to your causes! My soul, sir, I gave my soul to you, so that she may one day be my wife. I have paid the prices to have your treasure. I am all that a woman can be and all that a daughter of Sean Santos should be!”

He stared at her just as intently as she did at him, but he did not move an inch under her cold demanding gaze of truths. No movement for he sat ready because they needed this. He wanted that part of her that understood what the payments and truths are. And now he sees that she too recognizes what exists in her life. “Good girl,” he coolly said after an extended silence and while they searched each other’s eyes for several more moments.

Then when that is done to a satisfaction of seeing the understanding in eyes Sean makes his last demand. “Bethany, I want a son. That is the last deed that you do for me. Then, you are free from me. Your final deed is that you must find a way to give me a Santos heir. I don’t care how you do it, but there must be one.”

Bethany once again stood straight, but she does it with not displaying a smile. His request is hard and she has already paid a high cost for the treasure that she feels that should be already hers. Bethany thinks that she has already paid for the right to marry Jennifer. Thus, within holding her mind and emotions steady she walked over to the chair opposite of him so that she may relax and think more deeply. But in the settling on the chair Bethany simply conveyed, ”Supply the sperm.” No, she gave no deeper thought to his request and this comes due to her thinking that she can deal with the baby issue later. Thus, that has her wearily stating. “There are clinics that store such for later usage. When I am ready to be a parent then a child is born. But he is mine and to be raised Wiccan, with your fortune attached to his birth. It is fair. You asked for my soul and I gave it, so I now ask that Jennifer and I have our rightful places of mothering a child.”

Once more, there came from him a guttural growling of distaste over processes. Yet, at the same time, this is also what Sean wanted of Bethany. He desired her to birth his male child and to give the destiny that he craves most in life. But unlike what some people wondered he doesn't want to have sex with her or to be hers. He wanted a worthy woman to be the bearer of his offspring. That reality of demanding her to be his willing womb created a long silence between them. A silence that has them staring at each other within the thinking of what is happening with their traditional family life.

“You are to be loyal to Jennifer.” He at long last commanded as the closing of the dealings draw near. This is said for it is a worry of his and so he is being firm on this topic. “If I find any sexual indiscretion, then I will leave your future in the hands of the Castillo family. And I give no warnings about it either. So do understand that there are to be no other women or men for either of you two. None. Thus, you are to have no BDSM and no affairs. We both know that Jennifer cannot handle your kinky fucked up World, so no BDSM. Plus, she has a crazed concept in her head that marriage is a fairytale love, thus be gentle with her.” He announced to Bethany as the cogs in his mind turned.

That has Bethany defending herself with, “I began dating Jennie weeks ago. Back then everything about my sexual past ended and is gone. I am clearly hers and only hers.” Bethany announced within holding his gaze as she austerely confessed further. “I am forever dedicated to only her. Just as I am dutiful to your causes.”

Sean then placed the tumbler glass on the coffee table as he stood up. He next walked over to his desk in this room that is his home office. Once there he opened the bottom drawer of the oak desk to shuffle through it. As he does Bethany once more asks “Sir, do you give Jennifer to me to marry? I have stated my promises and have done all that you asked of me since the day you adopted me. Please, will you bless us?”

Hearing that and with placing the documents on his desk Sean Santos looked at her as she stood to gaze at him. In that, their eyes are caught in staring as he said, “Yes, Beth. She has always been yours. I knew that you had the balls to take her. You will sign this contract with your blood oath. Then anything that you ask of me is yours.”

That brought a smile to Bethany. It is a brilliant blazing smile. Such an announcement completed Bethany in amazing ways. In fact, to this very day, she still can`t fathom it all, but she is thrilled that the hours of chat are ending in her favor. Yes, indeed in her favor with actual blood oaths involved and with the wedding set for January second of 2009 at four in the afternoon.

So it is happiness! Sheer true elation erupted all over Bethany for days. That has wedding plans flying from every direction of the two women`s lives. Such things came fast within furious. The two women`s small posse of seven mutual best friends took on the task of wedding plans with an immense joy and proficiency. Katherine, Elisa, Roberta, Alexi, and Daniel carried it all out with having it nearly all done within weeks. This is done because the union between Beth and Jenn subsisted as one that everyone wanted. In fact, it is what each friend has thought should have existed long ago.

The quick planning processes are completed and the wedding took place in Mayfair; London the United Kingdom. It is an intimate civil and Wiccan ceremony at a friend`s heritage house. Bethany wears a femininely tailored white tuxedo with white stiletto heels while Jennifer is dressed in a red cocktail dress with matching stiletto heels. Both are so beautiful that the even Aphrodite existed as being envious of them both. The ceremony is an exchange of blood filled rings, poetic vows, and Wiccan ritual. The wedding dinner is at a private gentlemen’s club and the honeymoon is one full week alone in a cabin on the coast of Wales.

The first night together at the cabin is an almost fantasy for them. It is pure love, lustful kinkiness, sex toys and romance in every manner of what a female Don Juan does conjure for the woman that she worships. In fact, the master bedroom`s king-sized poster bed is set ablaze with passion. Within that, there is the sharing of saliva, sweat, cum, tears, and blood to recreate the ancient idea of holy bonding between soul mates. It is epically lovely between the two women with the universe seeming to have stood still for the two of them that night. Adding to it, it is without a doubt that this night definitely changed Bethany forever. It did for she now is a Santos in every possible way without having been birthed as one. Thus, she becomes birthed anew as the night of lovemaking begins with forever binding her to Jennifer Santos.

“Jennie, I love you with all of me,” Beth stated in loving adoration as she tenderly undressed Jennifer and herself. Beth disrobes them until there is total nudity of both women. As each article of clothing is removed Bethany worshipfully kissed Jenn`s soft silken skin. Jennifer quivered of sexual excitement and the love that existed between them. The two of them stood in the master bathroom with Jenn`s hands held by Bethany. Her holding them while smiling and it is just before there is a chivalrous kiss given to each hand. Bethany soon kissed each fingertip too and then assisted her new wife into the warm waters of a bubble bath. Beth then follows Jenn into the tub. The large wooden basin of a tub quickly has each lover relaxed while kissing each other. This is a beautiful romantic night of honeymoon and it turned into lovemaking with them then talking of future events.

When the waters became cool both women retreat from the tub with Beth sweeping Jenn into her arms. This brought the carrying of her new wife off into the bedroom for more lovemaking. They enter their bedroom with Beth then having placed Jenn upon Jenn`s knees on the bed. Beth does this before she then retrieved a silver chain collar that seems like a silver necklace with a heart lock upon it. Along with the BDSM collar, there is a silver chain leash attached to it. In the following moments, there comes a solemn ritual that Bethany has dreamed of all of her adult life. By the end of it, Jennifer is Bethany`s submissive pet and Bethany is Jennifer`s Dominant in the world of BDSM lifestyle.

“My goddess, you are bound to me on this day. Today, I do gift you with the lifestyle of BDSM. It is our gift within an untraditional marriage and a life of our choices. We are eternally claimed, owned, possessed and loved by each other. It is now and forever. It is only you and I, only us.” With that said and agreed to Jennifer signed the BDSM contract that they both have created prior. Then within that, the silver chain collar is placed permanently around Jennifer`s long lovely neck. That act of submission made Jennifer the submissive pet to Bethany`s Dominant role in a mutually understood relationship of BDSM lifestyle within their legal marriage.

This act brought that truth between them and it gave so much more too. One side effect is that Bethany gave up the reality of her truly living the BDSM lifestyle. She easily stopped enjoying and possessing other submissive pets too. She additionally blocked the further experiencing a vastly kinky sex life. She did it to cleave unto Jennifer for all her kinky needs. She does it for Jennifer needs that. She also does it because Bethany believes that love within marriage is to be monogamy. True, this act is unlike what is known as her sexual history. In her past, Beth`s life held great amounts of almost constant polygamy and random sexual kinkiness in an extreme amount. In fact, it is factual that she always dated more than one person at a time. Therefore, it is indeed a great amount of change and a lot less sex. It is less of many things while it is being so obsessed of a woman; a woman that is now addicted to Beth. It is an addiction, obsession for both and it is a week of building more of it for both of them.

This makes two happy women with the bonding being monogamy and daily care for each other, along with endless sex between them. Hence, it is easy to understand that it is an amazing honeymoon week that is wildly romantic as it is also totally dreamy. It is a female Don Juan and a goddess living a dream.

It indeed is that for Bethany. It is such for she only needed the love of her soul mate, her Jennifer to be complete in life. Is it a good thing for Jennifer too? It is mind-blowing things for Jennifer, for it is love at its highest amounts in her life. This is something Jennifer need; she does for she must have new life breathed into her so that she may fight the Cancer that is consuming her. Accordingly, both of them are happy with that truth making the honeymoon week fly by extremely fast.

With the coming of the next week, the two women are secured to each other in every way that is humanly possible. It is holy bonds, civil union, sexual consummation and more. It is that while the newly wedded couple is taking to living in the United Kingdom. The two of them move into a pleasant little three bedroom bungalow in a gated community while they have new career positions in the international company that Jennifer`s father owns. Both of them find it a nice place for a quiet life, but the most important part is that there are healthcare services close by. That makes it easy for both to walk to work, and to have most all of their needs easily met. Everything is done to have them happy with living a quaint life for Sean Santos made sure that they do have all that they require.

Two days of settling in do occur for them. With that, it is also two days of work beginning for them too. Hence, it is settling into a new house and working eight to twelve shifts. It is them both unpacking the shipping crates of their personal belongings and it existed while they both are dealing with Jennifer`s med treatments. These are medical treatments due to the ever-increasing effects of Cancer slowly consuming Jennifer. It is hard at times for them, but newlyweds seem to manage everything no matter what is going on. They do for they are blinded by love and passion. Thus, there is happiness.

It is true happiness until the night of the second day when Bethany walks into their home after a twelve-hour shift. She walks in the front door of the house with removing her shoes and as she hears Jennifer saying, “Lee, I have missed you. I am sorry for leaving you. I love you most.”

This comes spoken in a deeply loving tone as Jennifer is texting someone on their computer. This instantly has Bethany`s heart shattered into a zillion tiny pieces. She silently screamed in pain as Bethany gave a sharp gasp for air because she now couldn’t breathe. ‘No! No!' her mind screamed. ‘No, it is not the online boyfriend, not Lee. Jenny promised that it is only us.’

“Only us!” she whispered within a whining plea as she found air to breathe and the tears began streaming.

No, Jennifer couldn`t hear it due to earbuds in her ears. In fact, Jennifer didn`t even know that Beth is home from the twelve hours of work. So no one could hear Beth sobbing, "I am the only one." Instead, Jennifer continued text chatting with Lee while Bethany hastily went to the bedroom to deal with the pain of broken promises.

After a long crying session and trying to logically deal with the pain through self-blame Bethany signs into her email messenger service. It is within that act that she chats with me. Hours of chatting do follow. This discussion is of everything that is involving the whirlwind marriage and the past several months of Beth`s life, along with it there are several other topics that are significant in Beth`s life too. Hence, it is through this chat that much more happens with part of that being the day that she became sincerely closer to me. She truly became my daughter that night.

So to further comprehend Ms. Sweet Sexiness we need to know Bethany`s personal history. It does help us to understand the discussion that she and I shared. Hence, it is at this point that we must flashback into Beth’s life history to explain many things about this vibrant and goddess-like woman that is a heartbroken woman.

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Sweet Sexiness - Chapter 1, We Belong Together

Looking back at her life it does seem to be filled with tragedy. Yet, I chose to look at it so much differently. She is potent, powerful, passion and pleasure incarnate. She is a pleasure to know, a pleasure in life, pleasure to be with and a sexual pleasure divine. She is Woman at her finest, alpha female in all quarters and a human above others of our species. My friend is brilliant intellect, potent love, pure raw lust and a soul within the highest spiritual order. Yes, I do admire her.

Admiration but I do not place her on a pedestal. No, I do not and never will for I know that she is not the mortal goddess that many claim her to be. Most assuredly she is not and it is because I do know the very mortal parts of her. Plus, when a person is placed on a pedestal it hurts when they fall off it. But yes, I admire her and always will.

Who do I admire? This is your query. The answer is - my friend Bethany Ann. She is potent, powerful, passion and pleasure incarnate within a personality.

During the late autumn of 2008, there arrived a 'life-changing' conversation between her and I. It is life changing for her. It took place via texting with the use of emails. It existed when she returned to Canada from being overseas in Europe. She needed to know of me along with wanting some information on a few mutual friends. Her arrival back home to her home base of Ottawa existed as not new thus this type of thing is not new. Her extended business trips for the international company that she privately works for normally causes her to seek out her closest friends to catch up on life. Most of us do this in life after being away from home for a prolonged period of time. My friend is no different. Thus, we chatted having her ask me if I thought that her best friend, Jennifer Santos, seemed to be acting differently. My reply came as "Jenn seemed her regular but that I noticed that Jenn`s online presence increased several hundred folds."

"Hm", she said to me. "Yes, everyone here says that she is becoming a hermit. She no longer goes to any art shows. Jenn is not attending the NAC for music either and most of her social calendar events are being canceled." Bethany then paused with waiting for me to reply, but I did not. Thus, she continued with her sharing. "Jenn got bad news two months ago. News that she won`t be cured of the Cancer. No hope."

Reading that news created one of the hardest, most Earth-shattering moments in my life. To say that I cried is an understatement in every degree. It is for Jennifer Santos may not be my biological daughter, but she is my daughter too. Both of these women are sort of my children. They are for they both long ago needed a female of strength and love to guide their young lives. I took that challenge and I do it with a love that is profoundly motherly. So yes, tears streamed from me until everything is blurred on the computer screen. Yet, there needed to be a reply. There did need to be a response of some sort due to the reality of sitting in cyberspace waiting for replies can be an irritation. Thus, I summoned all of my inner strength to hold back the dealing with losing someone that I truly love. I did it because I know that Bethany loves Jennifer more than anyone ever has or will. Thus, there exist the desire to protect Bethany and it came full throttle. It arrived with me then sharing, "Pandora`s Box always has hope. You must have faith. Have faith and the universe may surprise us all."

That telling of having hope is to provide a path for love to work a miracle. Love is so important in our story. It is and I am about to tell you of a love unequaled in all of time and space. I am about to share a love story that is epic in all its wonders. There is to be the true tale of a woman that is so in love and so dedicated to a woman that it should move the universe to cure a disease. Cure it just so that these two could have the chance to bind together forever in this mortal life. Then when I am sure that the love story is told, as best as it can be told, then I am going to bring the chaos that now consume a woman. There is to be brought a darkness and pain that not even a mortal goddess could handle, but she does. Yes, I do say that she is not a goddess; she is mortal, but some say that she is a goddess. I say that she is those, but she is really only Bethany Ann.

"Your Pandora is full of shit, Windy! Shit with myths and mayhem doing us no good!" Came within frustrated anger from Bethany who is usually a calm and playful personality when being social. But with that statement it is easily known that the power of the devastating news seeped in so deeply that it rocks Bethany`s world to its very core. "Mine! She is to be mine. My soulmate, my love and I have waited. Mine!"

Without a doubt, I know that she cried with no containment of emotions. I know it for it existed so easily in her words, in words that very rarely ever do become rattled. But those words on the computer screen held rage, frustration and soul pain. And all of it is very understandable.

It is for it is truthful that Bethany waited to be with Jennifer. Oh yes, she did. This is due to that at a young age the two met with Bethany finding it to be love at first sight. This is the truth even if Jennifer didn't feel the same at first. Therefore, it is a soul surrendered, a heart bound to another heart without permission to bind and a life dedicated to another female. Dedicated to a female that teenaged Bethany barely knew, but instantly Beth gave herself completely to Jennifer.

Understanding the fact of Bethany surrendering herself is important to this love story. It is for it has Bethany passionately believing she did it because of love and from that Jennifer is hers and vice versa. This idea is beyond important in our story. It is significant due to a barely teenaged mind never having received untainted love, but she thinks she that finds true love in Jennifer Santos. In fact, she seemed to know that day what love truly is, true love and pure love.

Why do I say, untainted love? I say untainted because Bethany only ever truly experienced real love via a distant grandparent`s affection. Yet, she most definitely understands what love truly can be and seems to know it as a teenager. It seemed that young Bethany grasped the concepts of love even through the deeds of great evil are being done to her and that leaves me admiring her even more. It is easy to admire her for understanding such a concept in life for most people today do not truly understand loving. Yet, Bethany naturally has that gift and can supply it without limits. And that day long ago her heart recognized love and it assuredly also felt the beginning of its deepest pains. Deep pains and those too come without limits too.

"We belong together." Came, as a firm declaration in words on the screen "Not fair that she is dying. Not fair that she leaves me. I am not okay in life. My life is hers. I am hers and she hasn't taken me, hers ..hers, and we belong together. No dying before I am hers."

"Then take her!” I replied, “Beth go take her to make her yours. Tell her that you love her more than as best friends and as more than as a sex mate, don`t wait any longer to date her. Be you; be this woman who takes what she wants. You do that sort of thing with everything else in your life, but you do not do it with her. Take what you need with demanding Jennifer to be only yours."

It is for certain that there existed a silence; a deafening silence between us. And when it ended her reply didn't shock me at all as she shared it. "I guess that is part of Pandora`s Box. Happiness and hope."

"Yes, it is! And being together is good for you both. Doing that is good for you both. So save her from being a hermit and give her some tomorrows to enjoy. Love each other and be happy. There are no two people who deserve it more." I said this with trying to summon what little wisdom that I possess.

"You need spankings, Windy. I love you. Thank you." That flashed on the screen with it bringing a smile to me as my mind ring with, 'We belong together.'

Featured Story

Ever Note - Chapter 7, Awaking Into Answers

It is an understatement to say that Angelina’s thighs are covered in creamy cum upon waking the next morning. It exists from mentally trigge...