One of those topics of history is, why Bethany feels that her biological family has never loved her. Yes, she claims that none of them have. None but her biological maternal grandmother loved her in her youth. It is with this you then may recognize why Bethany is adopted at age fifteen by a stranger that she barely knows. Adding to that it is then easy to understand why she feels that her adopted family is what she knows as love in her life. All are very important to our story.
With the telling of our partially fictitious tale, there is also a need to mention the six people that have formed Bethany`s life to be as it is today. But it is to be only minor details of each of them. It is only that for we only need to understand how these six do affect Beth’s life. Therefore, we are going to peek into some life events but for now we only mention the six. These people include her biological father Damien, her grandmother CeCe, Dom William, Sean Santos, Jennifer, and yours truly. With that said there is a need to state that all names are altered and for good reasons too. I must additionally proclaim that all events occur mostly as I perceive them. Or I must say that some of the events are slightly altered versions due to telling every detail is more than invasive into other people's lives. But the main idea comes through. So, please, keep your seat and enjoy a bit of a brew.
Through this sharing about the six people, it can be understood why there are many things in Beth’s life. Things like BDSM, Cambridge University, the profound need to gain knowledge, swimming, the policy of Harm None, and her study of theology. Added to that we are going to understand why Beth loves seducing women and why she has a need to find a mother. Going into history may also clarify why Beth struggles to understand herself. Along with that, there is how Wicca affects Beth’s life on a daily basis and how on occasion her life is thrown into chaos because of her intensely spiritual mind. There is also the realization that she pours herself into the search for a concept of love that is almost extinct. It is hoped that you see how she thrills in the demanding of herself to be the best that she can be. However, to begin doing all of that we must go back to a few minutes after Bethany`s birth on July first, 1980.
“Oh, mother, it can`t be a girl. I fear what he may do. You know he hates women and only tolerates me because he needs daily sex. All that I am to him is sex and a keeper of his house. He loves his son, but he won`t..won`t love her..he will..oh, I fear..” And Marie turns white with gasping for air as her mother holds the newborn after delivering it in the master bedroom of the three-bedroom house in North Bay, Ontario, Canada.
Cece stares at her daughter Marie before bringing her gaze of grey-blue eyes to smile down at the new baby girl. The eyes that CeCe looks into are exactly like her own eyes. The newborn has grey-blue eyes that do accompany feathery white blond hair and an aura of peace that is unlike most newborn babies. It is peacefulness as a small smile shining upon those little angelic lips as CeCe cradles the child in a parental love.
“She is beautiful and a gift from the Goddess.” Is spoken happily. “She is mine. She is to live by Harm None. Damien will pay a price if he harms her. I swear it by all that is the sacred in the universe that he will pay if he harms her.” And with that, she proudly says, “Harm none, and my lovely, you are love itself. You will know love in all its pleasures.” Comes as a Wiccan blessing.
Marie is lost about what she is going to do about having a baby daughter. She never wanted one. She knows that Damien hates females and she understands that he believes that all females are to be slaves to men. True, it is odd for a Wiccan to be married to such a male. But Marie is Wiccan. True, she is not the sort that believes in feminism's power. She mostly adheres to Wicca due to a desire to practice magic and for selfish reasons. Additionally, Marie follows it because she is nurtured in Wicca all of her life. Yes, Cece lovingly taught Wicca to Marie, but it is taught to a female that is not a loving personality. In fact, Marie is a manipulative, controlling, self-absorbed and self-centered personality. But she seems deeply spiritual within Paganism and believes in magic for she thinks that it helps her to control anything in life.
With time passing in the little house there soon arrives Damien home. “Fuck! Worthless!“ He spits out in disdain as her glares at both women and the baby. “Listen, bitch, you were to give me another son. Not this piece shit, a fucking girl!”
“She is mine!” fiercely bellows CeCe who is cradling the child in her arms within a rocking. “Her name is Bethany; Bethany Ann and she is never to be yours. She is mine. My blood, my child and she is blessed.”
That has Damien comes to stand in front of the powerfully spiritual Wiccan woman of great intelligence and immense personal presence. He does this to try to dominate the moment by staring in hatred into CeCe`s eyes, but he knows that she rules his life too. She does for she has forced him into kneeling to her because he owes her great sums of money. Thus, before long his voice grows to be a tinge less sharp, as he demands, “Who fucking named her? That is my right. Only mine.”
“I did!” Instantly asserts CeCe with a smile as her voice fills with affection within looking down at the baby in her arms. “She is mine! She is my Bethany Ann, my blessed child and a new daughter of the Goddess. She maybe a Canadian, but she belongs to France. She is French with knowing that it is her heritage. It is my right to name her, not yours.” CeCe softly conveys to next bring her eyes to stare at Damien as her voice changes to sternness. “Be a man for once! Today, you will swear on your life that this female child is to be well educated and cared for. You will do it or I will find a way to destroy you. I may live by Harm None, but if I ever find that she is getting less than what she needs in life then all the powers of the universe can`t save you.”
This is a dominant man shackled. He is placed in bindings that he can`t break. At least it seems that way. It does only seem it, though. It does for he is slick with knowing that CeCe is to return to France and that intends that she is truly not going to know anything that occurs in his house. And that is what happens for the first four years of Bethany`s life.
At that age, many changes occur in the life of the young female child. Her life becomes tainted with things that she doesn’t understand. She becomes indoctrinated with conflicting ideals. It all has her feel lost in trying to control it, yet she is told that it is a normal thing to be doing all of it. It is especially normal that her father demands what he does of her. After all, it is a part of love; yes, he says that he is asking her love him in a different way than most fathers do. Along with that, she is given household duties and is taught to be a servant to males. She learns it well, but she is engrained with Dianic Wicca too. Her mother makes sure that it is taught and CeCe does too. CeCe does it through weekly phone calls and studies. And Marie does it because she knows that CeCe can bring hell to Damien. CeCe can and that is something that is truly chaos for Marie. So yes, Bethany`s young mind and body are taught many interesting things.
Yet, with all the learning and all the household chores and the dealing with her father there is no love. The only times that she feels loved or that she is told that she is loved is when CeCe is involved. Otherwise, it`s duties, living within limits and accepting that her only purpose is to be dedicated to serving a man. With that, it is easily understood why Bethany has no real love in her daily home life when she is a child.
Limited love in childhood but we now go onward into another period of Bethany`s life. It brings us to Northern Ontario`s public school system becoming a normal part of the young blue-eyed platinum blonde’s life at age six. She thrills in going to school. She goes while looking like an angel and she acts like it too. She is shy, sweet, polite, and well-mannered; it all complements the extreme intelligence. Yes, Bethany is so super smart that her grade school teachers are astonished. Yet, Bethany is reluctantly sent to grade school because her father thinks that no female should be educated. Yet, CeCe and the local district government insist that every child receives a public provided education. So Bethany goes to school in a public school and she loves it.
When attending school in grade one she discovers the school library and it`s like she is given a fantasy that is so real that she wants to never leave the small room of literary treasures. It is books! It is endless amounts of books on rows and rows of shelves that tower to the ceiling. Books that are much like what her loving grandmother sends to her. To top it off she is permitted to take the books home. She is allowed to take out as many as ten books a week. That is wild for her since each and every book is similar to the feelings that she has of her grandmother spending time with her. Therefore, it means the concept of love filled hugs with each book feeling like receiving love with the bonus of brilliant moments of knowledge filling her. Thus, the school library becomes a treasure chest for such things. It also is everything that truly makes Bethany happy at this point in life.
It does that to the chagrin of her father Damien. Nonetheless, he relents to the schooling and his daughter being happy. He does for CeCe threatens him. Plus, he gives in because he is taking rewards for allowing his daughter to have an education. He does that by enjoying what he believes is his manly rights in life. And so, Bethany gets to read whatever she wants to but only if she does what he asks of her.
Within that existence, time doesn’t stand still and she grows quickly too soon be ten years old. This is when she is given a test. However, this is not a typical exam given through the school system. In reality, the school does not supply it at all. It doesn’t for it is a very special IQ test that is only given to a chosen few and it can only be taken when recommend. From the IQ test, there is found that little Bethany has an exceptional IQ of 151. That brings change to her home life for a while. It does and she is rewarded with being given fewer house duties and is given books for keeping in her room. Her father even gifts her books to keep. He does it because Bethany`s intellectual prowess brings him money to help pay off CeCe. But this doesn’t last for long and by thirteen years old her home life returns to what it is prior to the testing.
Yet, it is during this period of two years before thirteen that Beth has the freedom to be a typical schoolgirl. That has her enjoying a semi-normal life. Within it, she makes many friends at school and hangs out at a local play park. It takes no time at all for many kids to adore her. They flock to her for she is polite, and she can help with anything that involves schoolwork and is she is fun too. It is during this time that she discovers dancing too.
In fact, the most fun in her adolescent life is dancing with some of other girls. Dancing and this makes Beth wildly happy with her thinking that some of the other adolescent girls are extremely pretty too. Thus, it is no surprise that one afternoon in the school library Beth is finishing the tutoring of a female friend and from that, she finds that the other girl can be very interesting. She discovers that helping the girl is a favorite thing but the girl will not stop looking into Beth`s eyes while she is saying things like. “Gosh Bethie, you have dreamy eyes.”
Beth blushes of it, but she likes what her friend says too. It makes her tingly inside and her breathing changes. It makes her head spin in dizziness as she smiles a shy grin. Yet, she pushes onward with the tutoring session. But this is not only a once chance thing or a one-time event. In fact, after weeks of tutoring this other adolescent girl Bethany discovers even more interesting things than the saying of charming things. Bethany finds that her friend continues the sharing of flirtatious comments during every session, but she sees that the other girl is quite taken with looking into her eyes. Tessa adores gazing into Beth’s eyes as she watches Beth`s smile. Add to it Tessa occasionally tries to touch Beth`s hands during study sessions. Or Tessa gets so bold as to trying to sit snugly close. That is very odd since the other girls do not do this with Beth, but Beth lets it all be casual with shrugging it off.
Nonetheless, Bethany does very much like being close to someone that she trusts. And yes, Beth does trust her friend Tessa but Bethany does not understand why that she feels that way. She doesn’t. At least she does not until there are rumors that the other girl comes from a family where there is no man, but there are two mothers. Other classmates say that Tessa lives in a house with lesbians. With that, Beth researches the topic at the library and finds out about different sexualities. Afterward, she bravely asks Tessa if the rumors are true.
“Yes, I have two mommies. It is great and we all love each other.” She claims with being wary of what may come at her. This is due to that Tessa knows that not many people accept lesbianism. She knows it because her two mothers are not always treated nicely by society.
“Oh. Cool. Sweet. Is that why you like my eyes and my smile?” Naively asks Bethany while getting some unusual courage about asking hard questions.
“No. I love your eyes. Don’t you like them? Bethie, you are beautiful! Don`t you know that you are gorgeous and have eyes that are dreamy to look into? Many of the guys say it too and well, I like what I see when you let me look in them. So pretty, you are so pretty.”
“Oh shush. You are..are..you are .” Bethany stutters this out with not knowing what to say. That has her move away from being close to Tessa, but Tessa moves to stand in front of Bethany. Tessa then clasps both sides of Bethany`s head in open palms. With it Tessa bites her own lower lip as she asks, “Why look up lesbians? Tell me, Bethie. Is it cause you like me looking in your eyes?” She rapidly states while she looks in those intoxicating blue eyes of Bethany’s. She does it with feeling pulled into melting into Bethany`s soul. It has Tessa stand even closer as she continues to say, “Do you like looking in mine? I think that you do. Because you never turn away when I look in yours. You actually blush and you recently even take longer amounts with looking back at me.”
Beth doesn’t say anything. She knows the truth. She understands that she enjoys looking back at Tessa. She even adores watching Tessa walk, talk and do anything. She is happy around Tessa and currently Bethany can`t breathe very well too. And that makes her dizzy, but that isn`t unusual for it is something that often occurs when Tessa is near.
Within that Tessa leans in to lay a soft wet kiss to Bethany`s lips. Bethany is instantly lost in sensations and is drawn into feeling passion within adolescent ways. This is her first real kiss and it is not like what she gets at home. This kiss makes her heart pound wildly. It also does not feel dirty or wrong, but instead it feels like that she wants to kiss Tessa. In fact, Beth desires to kiss Tessa until their lips are permanently connected. Thus, she kisses Tessa back even though she thinks that she doesn’t know how to kiss. That, however, doesn’t stop the two girls from tasting each other until dizziness consumes them. And that soon has Tessa release the lip lock with Bethany whispering something for the first time in her life. “Yummy!”
First kiss at almost thirteen. That is followed by many sessions of kissing practice with Tessa. Such takes Beth on her way into learning and experiencing what she eventually calls the art of kissing. It also firmly implants a great desire to please girls and to be around other girls. Yet, the thing that most assuredly is understood by Bethany is that she likes girls in the same way that she is attracted to boys. Thus, a light within her mind is turned. It is solidly switched for she now knows that she is bisexual. She finds it the most natural of things about herself and that has her interested knowing more about herself.
That interest in bisexuality leads Bethany to her mother finding out about Tessa and the kissing. Marie, in turn, is not shocked. She isn`t for one important thing about Bethany`s mother is that she enjoys studying human behavior. Therefore, Marie sits her daughter down to chatted of bisexuality, sexual diseases, and sexual attraction. Bethany discovers that her mother supports bisexuality. Marie does for she knows that Bethany can then eventually escape Damien but only if Bethany decides to be more lesbian than bisexual. Yes, Marie wants that. She does and that is even though she may not love Beth, but Marie doesn’t approve of many things that are going on in her house. She doesn’t approve of things that Damien does privately with Beth, but she can`t control them due how much Damien can harm Marie.
“She tasted good, did she?” Marie said with a sly smile as her voice tone came to having tints of interest with her then sorting out this opportunity to help Bethany. “Bethany, you need to understand that sex is not what you know about it. It is more than that.” Comes spoken with no guilt of what life is for herself or for daughter. But within that there is an understanding of the wrongs being committed by Damien. It is the truth that Marie does not consider Damien's actions sin, but she knows that Bethany is not happy about particular daily occurrences.
“Mom, don’t say that. It was..was..Mom. It is not sex.” Protested Bethany in feeling as though she has been invaded and violated at the same time.
“Bethany Ann it is perfectly natural to kiss girls. It is natural to do almost anything with a girl. It is a time that you learned about your body and what you can do with it. What you can do with your body without a man!” Sternly forced Marie into the conversation. She is doing it for she is not going to permit this to be passed by for it’s a freedom that can be given.
“Mom it is only kissing.” Comes in more protesting.
“Yes, and you liked it! You are to see Tessa every day after school. I also am giving you books to read and you are watching movies with me when your father is not home.” Firmly stated the middle-aged woman.
“Books? Why are you giving me books? Did Granmere send me books? Are they more books about Wicca and religion?” This spilled out in a suspicion of what is going on for Marie never easily gives the treats of books. Nor is there allowed any TV time without selfish reasons for it.
“It doesn’t matter. You liked that taste of Tessa`s kisses. I know that you do. It shows when you speak about it. So just for once do what I ask of you without you telling your father about it.” Comes as a finalized demand.
Now you think it is love. Was Marie loving Bethany? No. Was it saving Beth? Maybe. But it is with this knowledge between them that things begin to change for both women. This awareness of Bethany being bisexual has Marie diligently supplying Bethany with information on sexuality, and human behavior. This includes books of various types and diverse films to watch. Some of it is low-grade porn while others media are romance films from every era of film. Then there are romance books and classic literature too. This allows Beth to have a good grasp of what charisma and sexual behavior can do in life. Marie furthermore encourages the kissing and romantic side of her daughter. She also teaches flirting skills and gives her daughter more freedom from home duties. This, in turn, supplies Bethany with ideas of love, lust and how to charm women, but along with that, there is the giving of the time to explore it all at an adolescent`s age. Thus, it gives early experience and a fairytale version of love and lust concepts.
She learns fast. She soaked it all up with an enthusiasm that has her feeling adult and empowered. In my view, Bethany took to understanding that flirting has power. She also realized that sex is what forms the base of all humans. In fact, she used to say that all humans are basically sexual creatures and that humans will do anything to get it. That is partially the truth but in my view, most humans need more than lust to have sexual relations. We need things like the attachment of love, closeness, commitment and etc. to have sex. But Bethany, once upon a time, only understood humans through the relationship with her father and from the information supplied by her family and the media materials. Thus, it is not shocking that she perceived sex as only lust and power.
It also can be seen that Bethany has a great reason to feel what she does of her biological family. She is sure that they have never truly loved her. Yes, it is possibly true that only CeCe loved Bethany during her childhood. Yet, her mother, Marie helped her escape a living hell. She does it by opening up worlds to her daughter to explore through the allowing of media sources about sexual and love concepts. It additionally is easy to understand that Bethany has no love for her parents because they didn’t give her any. To be honest, she does effortlessly say that she has no like of them at all. Nevertheless, she knows what love is and loves greatly. But back then Bethany is learning that love comes through books and via gaining knowledge.