Wednesday, August 9, 2017

Arousing Ry - Chapter 11, Logically Love

Office, yes the office and all the way to it creates more sleepiness within the listening to old-time show tunes. Such creates an even less of a wanting to be awake. Soon salvation comes by way of departing the mid-sized sedan with doing parking in the underground parking garage of the building containing Masterson Architectural. Next, come lazy steps toward the elevator before ascending to the proper floor of the several stories of the office building. Upon getting to their destination Ry enters her office with listening to Jerome make a statement of the lunch meeting. A meeting in approximately two hours, two hours until lunch. Then as Jerome walks out with closing the office door Ry sits cozy leather chair desk with everything seeming so relaxed. This easily allows that much desired for a nap with no noise and much stillness until the two hours are nearly spent.

“Ryanne, darling.” comes softly spoken with a gentle nudging while Ry slumps over one of the two desks in her opulent well-organized corner office. “Wake up, we will be late.”

Such surprises Ry to create a sitting up within a slow waking. The black leather chair that belongs to the large modern metal black desk supports her as she tries to wake up. Her hands come to grip the desk that is covered in paper documents. She pushes them a bit to collide them with the laptop computer system and the various other work items. Doing so pushes over a framed picture of her mother and father with that collapsing on a stainless steel coffee cup before falling on a red rubber stress ball.

“Huh, wha..” Answers Ry with sleepiness while somewhat waking. “Sheila. Lunch. Wha...”

“Darling child, you must wake and come have lunch with me.” States Shelia with immediately taking to tidying up the mess. In doing so the older woman pushes a stainless steel cup aside that holds writing instruments. After which she readjust everything on the desk’s top and that includes the office`s phone system. Then with such complete, she once more supplies a soft nudging with saying, “We are going to your favorite pub and I am honestly famished. So no more sleepiness.”

“Yeah, okay Sheila. Yes, lunch, lunch at the pub. ” Replies Ry in attempting to shake off the sleepiness.

“Yes, lunch. We always have lunch during every third Tuesday of the month. That is we do if you are in the country.” Conveys Sheila who begins removing the dirty coffee cup to clean it as she further chats.“It is penciled in on your schedule book today with Jerome reminding you. He always does when you first come in.”

Then with a sigh of noticing the filthiness of Ry`s coffee cup, Shelia chastises of the messiness, “You will get sick if you do not clean your cups regularly. It shows that you need someone to care for you. The cup, the desk and you sleeping on it are awful. The lack of care shows, my dear. It does via this constant exhaustion from overload in life. You being worn out at out at thirty-two must be changed. The incident this morning must too.” Sheila claims to then shoot a chastising glance at the Ry over the tardiness with the messing up over a scheduled meeting. “So yes, let me care for you with us going to lunch to have a decent meal. Come on.”

Stirring into rising and standing Ryanne realizes that the lunch date interrupts a great sleep but it is lunch with Shelia. Thus, worth it and with a glance toward the older woman Ry grimaces in trying to understand how she is overloading her life. That, however, is a bit much upon first waking. So she chooses to figure it out later. For now, it`s dealing with promises and she truly knows she needs decent meal too and that brings proper responses.

”Sheila, I apologize for being tardy.” Comes conveyed as Ry`s mind slips into reality and she consciously finds her bearings. “You are correct. It is to the pub. We are late and so we will be late on returning but I have only one meeting very late this afternoon. I hope that your schedule is clear too and once I get my phone we can be off.”

“Yes, my dear, I know of your meeting. I have no meetings until then neither. So, no harm was done and maybe after lunch, you should rest here on your sofa. Your father isn’t here this week and the staff can handle most everything. Therefore, you must enjoy a decent meal with me before a secret nap until around six o’clock. Jerome will wake you in time. In fact, on the way out we give this cup to Jerome for cleaning and he already suspects that you will nap later.”

“You know that you mother me, right!” States Ry after summing up the past several moment's events. In doing so she wants to make sure that Sheila knows that the mothering that is happening is feeling strong and that somehow it is still an okay thing. “Okay stuff, yes it is and thanks to you for caring.”

“Yes, I do. There is no plan to stop either. It is what your mother would want. She would want you around women who can love you for you. She loved you more than any of you three children. And, that is because you are the most like your father. That you already know. You also are aware that she loved him as though he is God. Of course, that is definitely untrue. My goodness, and it is far from true.”

Ry looks at Sheila already knowing such. Yet, she does not stop Sheila from rambling on as they head out into Jerome`s office. Ryanne instead merely sighs within recognizing that Sheila simply needs to do this and honestly it isn’t going to kill Ry to hear it for the billionth time. So as they pass through Jerome`s office Sheila supplies the dirty cup with him cheekily grinning when with accepting it in whimsically conveying, “Tata, you two. See you tomorrow boss and have a whiskey for me. Thanks for the chat Sheila and will do that for you as we discussed. Thanks for the cup. She hoards them and won`t allow clean ones.”

Ryanne raises an eyebrow at the sudden sensation that more than one person is mothering her in many ways and that a conspiracy seems afoot in concern to her. “Uhm, you two can be whipped if you are up to no good.”

Jerome chuckles to grin in stating, “Oh, you tease me. You are only turning me on when you talk like that. And honey, next Tuesday we can do lunch with your whip. Just you and me, and the naughty dreams that I possess.”

Ry suddenly feels something is getting weird as she shuttles a cold glance toward him before passing through the door into the hallway. As she does Sheila slips by her within conveying, “You can tease him later but he loves you and so do I. So, come enjoy a healthy meal with me and let us P.A.`s take care of the firm for the Masterson family. We usually do it anyways. So, follow the unwritten rules, Ms. Masterson. If you don`t then I am feeding you cookies until bloating happens.” Comes supplied with a stern warning stare into Ry`s eyes before they both enter the elevator with Shelia giggling.

With both women in the metal box, it soon takes them to the lobby, which eventually they make way into sitting in a booth seat at the Ry`s favorite pub after a taxi shuttles them there. Service is good and they each enjoy a fine lunch of seafood, well-aged whiskey and the atmosphere of a busy pub.

As both women sit listening to music the lunchtime clientele mixes about the area making general noise while Ry quietly lounges in the seat. Sheila, on the other hand, provides casual chat of office gossip. Which is the usual, just as Ry sort of listening is customary. She comprehends that Sheila keeps it all not too gossipy. For Ry dislikes all the social crap of being part of the office life. Thus, it kind of annoys Ry. Yet, she knows that office social life is very much a part of Sheila`s life. And it comes in ways of Sheila mothering everyone with most everybody liking her because of it. Therefore, as Ry listens she understands the massive network of it all and ponders the truth of how much Sheila truly does operate Masterson Architectural.

In fact, such even exist when Ry’s mother lived. Those in the know do allege that Sheila always subsists as the matriarch of the family business and can handle Ry`s father better than any woman on Earth. This is somewhat true and so yes, the earlier mentioning of Sheila and the office P.A.s running the show comes as honesty. After all, the entire staff almost pays homage to Sheila with all the staff seeming to be under her direct command. This is even though Ry`s father thinks he runs everything. With that thought Ry queries, ”Sheila, why do you care for us Masterson`s so very much?”

Sheila instantly flashes her eyes of brown up into Ryanne`s green ones. Sheila does not stir as she gently sits the dining utensils down on the tabletop. Without a doubt, a sharp pause exists within a silence and then with eye contact perfect, “You tell me, Ryanne Lea. Please, do tell me why I love every one of you. Tell me why this family is loved by a simple woman who has nothing but a desk for forty years and has a meager life.”

Ryanne looks at her; she peers into those eyes that shine with nothing but love. A love that has a need to have a young woman answers this question. And that beings Ry swallowing hard as she stares there for the love in those eyes is powerful. It is too much to comprehend with it having Ry look away and being rapidly breathless of its potency.

“No! Look in them. Please, look at me, Ryanne Lea. Come now. Come see what life truly is. Look at me and tell me what you see in me. Give me the answers that you seek. I am here holding your hand. So seek!”

With another rough swallowing and gasping for breath Ryanne deeply feels unsettled in her soul. She quakes into fidgeting with her dining utensils to then stutter. “Shelia.”

“What, Ryanne Lea? What is it, my dear lil one?” arrives in warm tones holding great patience within a willingness to push onward no matter what happens next.

“Sheila, please!” comes in great discomfort and then awkwardness of uncontrollable things as Ry feels cornered in a public place while discussing love.

“No!” Sheila sternly calms within kind-heartedness. “No, you may not wall this up into collected coolness and avoidance. You will answer this and everything that is going to occur during our chat today.” With that Shelia reaches to enjoy a sip of the whiskey from her tumbler to afterward smile before continuing on with. “Child, it is time. We both know it is. Your mother even knew you would need to, just as your father needed it once.”

“Huh?” slips from Ryanne who watches while hearing the chat even though she dislikes the sensations that flood her. She doesn’t` like it for a foreboding of facing something exists.

So, yes, somehow the chat seems like a destiny. Possibly not one she wants but she accepts it. Yet, fear in a panic comes too. So she tells herself maybe it is a must to live through this moment of what exists as strong emotions. She knows it and added the idea of running from facing destiny isn’t her thing either. Instead, she knows that thinking is ‘her thing’. Thinking and keeping life all nicely bound in limits while facing all that comes her way in life. Nonetheless, restrictions always subsist when feelings come into play. Feelings provide chaos for her. Chaos and trouble unless it is lust. And today, no lust but true feelings, and love feelings at that.

Therefore another “Huh?” comes about Sheila`s chat of the family. Shelia`s love is not questioned but an off the topic mentioning of her father is an oddity. So, Ry grasp on to it for that provides no sharing of her feelings. Thus, she blurts out, “Father did what?”

“Yes, he did this once. Much like you, he swears that lust and power are everything a human needs. He claims that love is for fools.” And with conveying such Sheila smiles to once more enjoy a drink before waiting for an interruption by Ryanne but no comes, so she continues. “You do adhere to that life philosophy. You push it quite well into being your truth. Yet, you need to know a different slant on the truth. This is so that it can balance out what you think is true.”

Ry glances at her as though things are getting a bit cryptic, but Ry remains quiet for she has that sense that a lecture or something similar exists. Which isn’t unusual in her life and she tends to survive them, whether those come from her father or Sheila or Cory. So, she listens to being respectful to her elders.

”You do, my Lil One.” Reasserts Sheila knowing that Ry expects a lecture with Ry`s mind drifting into a sort of not listening. Hence, Sheila`s voice tone changes to telling a story.

“Lee, he sits one day telling me of this gorgeous woman whom he cannot get out of his thoughts. He sees her walking the grounds of a government complex that he renovates. He follows her because something inside tells him to. Every day this beautiful brunette of green eyes comes out to sit in the shade of an apple tree to enjoy her lunch. He watches her do it. He does this daily for three entire months of his working at renovations. He follows her like a lost puppy to survey her and he does not say a word to her. He then takes me to lunch the last day that he works at the job. He tells me of it all and then he says, “What is with that, Sheila? Tell me the truth of why she haunts me.”

Ry seems uncomfortable with the story but she remains spellbound with Sheila noting such. This provides Shelia to nudge a fork toward Ryanne. “Eat and listen. You are too skinny and you will die of hunger if you stop eating good food.”

Ry bullets a cold stare that brings the further response of, “Eat! And listen!” This comes in stern discourse from Sheila who sips another bit of whiskey. “As you know, your father and I are childhood friends. Just as you know that the woman in the tale is your beloved mother.”

Ryanne softly replies, “Yes, I know it is my mommy.”

Sheila then smiles seeing love briefly sparkles in green eyes that usually lack tender feelings. Then Sheila continues with the chat. “Lea avoids love but he knows when it`s time to love. That is even if he never loved anyone before your mother. He feels he has no need to love and he pushes himself into that he can`t. He believes that being a self-made man and existing in a cold militia-styled way of living is what should be. In his youth, he never intended for a family of his own or for love in his life but he has it all. He is a well-accomplished self-made man and proud to be living as he is.”

Ry listens even though she already knows it all. So she gives her attention but she is not catching what is coming and then it comes full throttle. “I know that you respect their love and respect him. I know this and so do you. So, Ryanne Lea, you are capable of relenting and allowing love. He is. He does it daily with loving you, children. When doing that he knows that you can love too for he looks at you with daily seeing him in you. He loves more than most people and he recognizes that he thinks that he cannot love anyone. Yet, he loves you three children, plus he loves Cory and me with all his heart and mind.”

Ry squirms about how it often feels like no love coming from him but yes; it is the truth that her father loves her and her siblings. Plus, he loves Cory too, and he respects Sheila more than anyone in his life. Ry isn’t sure why of it all being that way, but her father does claim such. Along with that, Ryanne always somehow knew that her father carries issues about love and the showing of it. Thus, with a deep sigh, she remains more attentive even though this brings powerful emotion with chaotic thoughts. Therefore, she stirs a bit within the seat for disrespecting this woman is never an option in life. Yet, Ry feels the need to leave the chat over this discomfort of talking about feelings and seriously loving anyone.

“Jane understood that too. Your mother comprehended that you love. You love even though you close your heart. I too know that it is true that you love others.“ convey Sheila in reaching across the table to finger touch the right hand of Ryanne as she states, “It is time to love, dear child. Time to release into letting someone else love you just as your parents do love you. There is no need to fear that you are losing love, for you cannot lose what you freely give. When we give love then it returns to the giver in abundant ways. Love is like that.”

Sheila stops everything to allow Ry to slip away from her hand for Shelia feels nervousness filling Ryanne as Ry `s eyes beg to not endure more but more must come. Then when Ry pulls away she continues. “You think that Jane stopped loving you when she died, It is why you hold her so tight with claiming not to love anyone. Yet, Jane still creates a whole circle of love and family to care for you. It is a world of safe people for you to love if you choose to love. Which you do love your family and care of your inner circle but you openly deny it. However, your mother made sure you could love, that you could if you wished to. She managed it before she succumbed to her afterworld.”

“Sheila, please.” sorrowfully whispers Ry with finally not being okay with listening to what comes as this sharing.

“No, Lil One, listen. Your mother knew everything about everything in your father`s life. She understood the business set up at the firm. Jane recognized my intense presence in the firm that leads me to also be a family member and your second mother. Jane additionally comprehended all that can be in each of your lives as you each grew. She made you safe, Ryanne Lea. Safe enough to love her forever and let go of the pain. You have always been protected and wrapped in a love that she knows that you are capable of returning to anyone. We all know that you do love and that you wish to share it.”

Ryanne begins to rise up but then suddenly states, “Mother. Humph.” Next, she stares at Sheila as though the conversation is all crazy. “Mother, yes she loves me. I know she does but what does that have to do with why you love all of us?”

Shelia coldly glares at Ry as though it`s a hard head that gets drilled into today. So, she sharply states, “Because I am selfish. I am the most self-centered woman on Earth in concern to love. I am, and it is I, me giving love in hope that it returns to me. I love for I enjoy giving it. I do it because I have a loving circle of family and friends that need it. There is a world of love that I can soak up because an entire existence drinks in every ounce of my love. It does for we all need to love and be loved. So, sweetheart, I am greedy of love. I am selfish in every degree and I do think that you too may need to be selfish about it also. So, it is time to find her, time to hold her hand and time to not be driving you into exhaustion with fighting it. You live life in ways that only rip you down. It must stop! You must see how much you need love and do love others.”

Yes, Ry sits back down upon hearing the tone and words. She does for if she continues to stand up she may fall down from the explosion of emotion coming at her. It is emotion coming packaged in logic. Logical thinking and emotions in a union are like a fucked up mutant existence that Ry surely never understands but yet somehow this time it makes sense. So, out slides “Ah, I see.”

Sheila now watches thing closely with being quiet as Ryanne next stammers, “You love me because I love you.”

“Yes, my dear one.” Does arrive in a soft knowing reply.

Ryanne looks up into those brown eyes that she mostly avoids but now she must look at them. ”You say that I love you even though you say that I think that I can’t.”

“Yes, sweetheart.” Smiles Sheila with seeing the hard-headedness vanishing.

“Uhm, yes, I do think it’s not okay and it. Uhm.” It becomes quiet but there is endless sound inside of Ryanne. Silence for the pain of chaos swims within and she is facing this destiny that comes hard to her

“It does hurt Ryanne Lea but she still loves you. You love her more than anyone in life. But she wants you to love others too. ” Coaxes Shelia as she waits.

“Yes, that is the truth. Mother loves me but, uhm.”

Emotion and logic could not become wilder within Ry at this moment. So she questions all the rest of the chat as she tries sorting it into logic. Somehow she holds a control as it all turns into a sacred epiphany. This builds stillness, along with more control of it all as chaos comes bound to have her heart sing, ‘Come find me. I am waiting.’

Sheila looks at Ry through it all with almost seeming to see the internal gears turning. She realizes that the mechanisms in that intellect of Ryanne whirl at full speed to clear the chaos within needing to understand emotion. Yet, it is more than that which Shelia views. For she knows that for the first time Ryanne releases the grip on a locked heart while letting her mother`s love create more love in life.

“Shelia!” quietly utters Ry within a calmness as she reaches to touch the other woman`s hand.

“Yes, my child?” arrives in sharing a smile.

“I think that you have a good idea about that. I believe you are very selfish and I think that maybe I am gonna be selfish too. Maybe it is time.” Ry sums up in understanding things with maybe allowing the wholeness of the chat to begin its working within her.

She accepts it because honestly, it comes from, Sheila. Plus, Ry holds thoughts about the dream that she experienced during the night. Logically speaking her two mothers tell the same thing on the same day. So, maybe Ry needs to give this love thing a try. After all, the lust thing only gets her crap like Payton and women trying to dominate her while her bed remains empty and he heart still loves even though has rules to not do that.

“Love, so yeah. I get it. Okay. Maybe.” flows out in still pondering everything.

“Yes, I know” States Sheila with taking another sip of whiskey in furthering her reply with. “Now, eat all of your lunch before we head back to the office. We both can be busy relaxing since your father isn’t here this week to be dictatorial. Which is not a real change of things for like I mentioned we all know that I run the show at the firm anyway.”

Ry stares into those eyes a minute more with knowing that Sheila is the glue in the Masterson family. Thus, a minor giggle as dining utensils arrives in hands with the meal continuing onward.

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